My kids fight with each other all the time. Is that normal?
Yes. Siblings fight a lot, and the ones who fight are often also the ones who play together for hours. Your job isn't to end every fight. It's to keep it fair and keep it safe.
What's behind it
Children in the same house compete for the same things: your attention, the front seat, the last pancake, the right to be right. Add tiredness and a sibling who knows exactly which button to push, and you get three fights before breakfast. That's ordinary family life, not a sign of a broken relationship.
Fights are also practice. This is where children learn to negotiate, lose, apologize and come back. Many kids who bicker all day would still choose each other over anyone else when it matters.
The trap for parents is playing judge. You arrive at the end, you didn't see the start, and whichever way you rule, one child learns that the loudest story wins. Try being the referee instead: "I hear two upset people. What do you both need?" Then let them propose the fix. It's slower, and it works.
What helps in the background: don't compare ("Why can't you be like your sister?"), give each child some one-on-one time, however short, and notice the moments they're kind to each other out loud. Step in without debate when someone is being hurt or scared. Separate first, talk later. The one being hurt gets comfort first.
Try this week
- At the next fight, don't ask who started it; ask each child what they need and let them propose a deal.
- Give each child ten minutes alone with you this week, doing something they chose.
- Catch them being kind to each other once a day and say exactly what you saw.
When to get help
Seek advice from a family counselor or psychologist if one child is regularly hurt, intimidated or afraid of a sibling, if the same child is always the target, if fights involve serious violence or sexualized behavior, or if the conflict is wearing down the whole family and nothing you try changes it.
In the app for this
- FreeThe reflection rounds «If I were you» and «The thank-you round»: each child gets a turn, nobody wins.
- Free · PlusPractices «Solve it together» and «Two choices you can live with».
- Free · PlusPoints and chores for all children, with rewards that are time with you, not stuff.
Free is free for good. Plus opens the whole map, all cards, games and practices.
Mila knows these answers, and your kids
The free family check takes five minutes. After that, Mila answers with your children's names and ages in mind, and the map gives you one thing to try this week.
Start the free family checkParents also ask
Since the separation our child moves between two homes and is unsettled. Is that normal?
Yes. Changing homes every few days is work for a child, and the first months are the hardest: tears at the handover, a wild evening after, a baby-like clinginess that was gone. Children settle when the two homes agree on a few things, the handover is calm, and nobody has to be a messenger.
My child wants screens all the time and melts down when I turn them off. Is that normal?
Yes. Screens are built to be hard to stop, and children have less braking power than we do. The meltdown at the off button is normal. It's also the moment you can change most easily.
My child screamed "I hate you!" at me. Is that normal?
Yes. Nearly every parent hears it, and it hurts every time. It doesn't mean what it says. It means "I'm furious and you're the one person I'm sure will still be here in the morning."
How much allowance is normal at seven?
Less than you think, and more regularly than you think. A small, fixed amount every week, paid on the same day whether the room was tidy or not, teaches more than a larger sum that depends on your mood. The amount matters less than the rule: it's theirs, they can waste it, and you don't top it up.