My 2-year-old has huge tantrums several times a day. Is that normal?
Yes. Two is the peak age for tantrums, and several a day is common. It's exhausting, but it is not a sign that you're doing it wrong.
What's behind it
Picture it from the inside. Your child wants the blue cup. The blue cup is in the dishwasher. The feeling is enormous, the words are few, and the part of the brain that handles disappointment is still under construction. What comes out is a tantrum. Not manipulation. Not bad character. Just too much feeling in a very small person.
Tantrums are more likely when a child is tired, hungry, overstimulated or has been told "no" six times in an hour. Which, at two, is most afternoons. Daycare days and the hour before dinner are classic.
What helps most isn't a technique. It's you staying calm enough to be the anchor. Fewer words, a low voice, staying close. "You wanted the blue cup. You're so angry." Then wait. You don't have to fix it or give in. You just have to not add fuel. Afterwards, a hug and moving on. No lecture; a two-year-old can't take it in anyway.
In between storms, you can shrink the number of battles. Offer small choices (red socks or green?), name feelings when things are calm, and keep snacks and sleep steady. Tantrums fade a lot between three and four, when words catch up with feelings.
Try this week
- Move the snack half an hour earlier and see whether the late-afternoon storm gets smaller.
- During the next tantrum, say one sentence that names the feeling, then say nothing more until it passes.
- Give two real choices before each sticking point today: which cup, which shoes, which song.
When to get help
Talk to your pediatrician if tantrums are regularly very long or happen many times every day, if your child hurts themselves (head banging, biting themselves) or others badly, if they cannot calm down even with your help, or if tantrums are still very frequent after age five. Also seek support if you notice you are close to losing control yourself.
In the app for this
- Free · PlusPractices «Three seconds before you react», «Ride out a big feeling together» and «Make it right after shouting», with steps and a why.
- FreeThe reflection round «Feelings weather» at the table: everyone says what weather they had today, the parents go first.
- Free · PlusMap steps like «Calm boundary, honest repair» and «The need under the behavior», if the check puts you in that pattern.
Free is free for good. Plus opens the whole map, all cards, games and practices.
Mila knows these answers, and your kids
The free family check takes five minutes. After that, Mila answers with your children's names and ages in mind, and the map gives you one thing to try this week.
Start the free family checkParents also ask
My 2-year-old hits and bites other children. Is that normal?
Yes, and it's mortifying at the playground. At two, hitting and biting are what big feelings do before words arrive. It usually fades by three or four. Your calm, quick response is what teaches the alternative.
My 4-year-old just doesn't listen to me. Is that normal?
Yes. A four-year-old who ignores the third «put your shoes on» is behaving like a four-year-old, not like a problem. Most of what we call «not listening» is a child deep in play, a request shouted from another room, or a limit that moves. Fewer words, closer, once.
My child screamed "I hate you!" at me. Is that normal?
Yes. Nearly every parent hears it, and it hurts every time. It doesn't mean what it says. It means "I'm furious and you're the one person I'm sure will still be here in the morning."
My 7-year-old has started lying. Is that normal?
Yes, and oddly enough it's a sign of a growing brain. A child who can lie has understood that you don't know what they know. The job now is making the truth safe to tell.