My teenager can't fall asleep before midnight and is impossible to wake up. Is that normal?
Yes, and it's biology, not laziness. In puberty the body clock shifts about two hours later. Your teen genuinely isn't tired at ten and genuinely can't wake at seven. The phone makes it worse, but it didn't start it.
What's behind it
Around puberty, the hormone that makes us sleepy starts being released later in the evening. A teenager at 10 pm feels the way you feel at 8. Then school starts at the same early hour as before, and they've lost an hour or two of sleep every single night. The weekend lie-in until noon isn't laziness either. It's the body trying to pay back the debt.
Teenagers still need eight to ten hours. Most get far less, and it shows: irritability, forgetting things, falling asleep over homework, the Sunday night that never ends.
What makes the shift worse is the obvious stuff. Bright screens late, caffeine after lunch, a nap after school, sleeping until noon on Saturday and then trying to sleep at eleven on Sunday. What helps is less obvious: morning light, breakfast, movement during the day, and a wake-up time on weekends that's at most two hours later than on school days.
Treat your teen as a partner here, not a suspect. Explain the body clock; most find it a relief to hear it isn't their fault. Then agree on one or two changes together, like the phone charging outside the bedroom. What it is not: a battle you can win by shouting up the stairs at 7 am. Nobody has ever been shouted awake into a good mood.
Try this week
- Tell your teen about the two-hour body clock shift and ask what one change they'd be willing to try.
- Open the curtains and put breakfast on the table within ten minutes of waking, every school day this week.
- Agree a weekend wake-up time no more than two hours after the school-day one, and hold it for two weekends.
When to get help
Talk to your pediatrician if your teen is regularly unable to sleep even with good habits, is extremely sleepy during the day or falls asleep in class, snores loudly or seems to stop breathing at night, misses school because of sleep, or if sleep problems come with low mood, anxiety or worry that keeps them awake.
In the app for this
- Free · PlusPractices «A bedtime without rushing», «7 nights of bedtime talks» and «Build a calm corner».
- Free · PlusMila at night: ask her what's normal at this age and what to try tonight. She knows your child's age.
- FreeHelplines for your country, one tap away, if a night turns serious.
Free is free for good. Plus opens the whole map, all cards, games and practices.
Mila knows these answers, and your kids
The free family check takes five minutes. After that, Mila answers with your children's names and ages in mind, and the map gives you one thing to try this week.
Start the free family checkParents also ask
My teenager closes the door and wants total privacy. Is that normal?
Yes. A closed door at fourteen is development, not rejection. Your teen is building a self that isn't an extension of you. You still matter enormously; you're just not supposed to see all of it anymore.
My 14-year-old is irritable and snaps at us constantly. Is that normal?
Yes. Fourteen is often the rudest year, and it's rarely personal, even when it's aimed at you. Hormones, sleep debt and a brain under renovation make a short fuse. You get the snapping because you're the safe place.
My 15-year-old has a first boyfriend or girlfriend. Is that normal, and how do I handle it?
Completely normal, and a big deal for them. Your job isn't to approve or forbid. It's to stay the person they'll still talk to when it's wonderful, and when it ends.
My teenager is on the phone all day. What rules are normal?
A teenager's phone is their friends, their music and their place to disappear, so «all day» is normal and not the problem. The problem starts when sleep, school or face-to-face time lose. Rules that hold are few, made together, and apply to the adults too: no phones at the table, none in the bedroom at night, and one evening a week without.