My child is afraid of the dark and won't sleep alone. Is that normal?
Yes, very. Fear of the dark usually shows up between three and six, right when imagination gets powerful. It fades on its own in most children, faster when they feel believed rather than talked out of it.
What's behind it
A four-year-old has just learned to imagine things that aren't there. That's wonderful at lunchtime and terrible at 8 pm. The shadow on the wardrobe really does look like something, and the child can't yet switch the picture off. Fear of the dark isn't a step backward. It's a side effect of a mind that's growing.
It also comes and goes. A scary story, a move, a new sibling or a tough week at daycare can bring it back after months of calm. That's normal too.
What helps is taking the fear seriously without feeding it. "There are no monsters" doesn't land, because to the child the feeling is real. "You're scared. I'm here. Let's look together" lands better. A dim night light, the door open a crack, a torch they control, a stuffed animal with a job ("he guards the door"). Small powers calm big fears.
It's also fine to stay a little while, then a little less. Sitting by the bed, then by the door, then checking back in two minutes. Keep bedtime calm and screen-free in the last hour, because scary pictures sneak in from there. Sleeping with you sometimes isn't a failure; if it's become every night and you'd like that to change, do it in small steps, not in one hard night.
Try this week
- Let your child choose a night light and decide where it goes; owning the solution shrinks the fear.
- Explore the room together with a torch before lights out and name what each shadow really is.
- Move your chair one step closer to the door each night and say so out loud; small steps beat one big one.
When to get help
Talk to your pediatrician or a child psychologist if the fear is so strong that it affects daytime life, if your child has panic-like attacks, frequent nightmares about a specific frightening event, or if many fears appear suddenly after something stressful, such as an accident, a loss or a change at home.
In the app for this
- Free · PlusPractices «A bedtime without rushing», «7 nights of bedtime talks» and «Build a calm corner».
- Free · PlusMila at night: ask her what's normal at this age and what to try tonight. She knows your child's age.
- FreeHelplines for your country, one tap away, if a night turns serious.
Free is free for good. Plus opens the whole map, all cards, games and practices.
Mila knows these answers, and your kids
The free family check takes five minutes. After that, Mila answers with your children's names and ages in mind, and the map gives you one thing to try this week.
Start the free family checkParents also ask
My 6-year-old still wets the bed. Is that normal?
Yes. Roughly one in ten six-year-olds still wets the bed, and nearly all of them grow out of it. It's not laziness and it's not something your child can decide to stop. The job is keeping shame out of it.
My kids fight with each other all the time. Is that normal?
Yes. Siblings fight a lot, and the ones who fight are often also the ones who play together for hours. Your job isn't to end every fight. It's to keep it fair and keep it safe.
My child wants screens all the time and melts down when I turn them off. Is that normal?
Yes. Screens are built to be hard to stop, and children have less braking power than we do. The meltdown at the off button is normal. It's also the moment you can change most easily.
My 4-year-old just doesn't listen to me. Is that normal?
Yes. A four-year-old who ignores the third «put your shoes on» is behaving like a four-year-old, not like a problem. Most of what we call «not listening» is a child deep in play, a request shouted from another room, or a limit that moves. Fewer words, closer, once.